How do you heal a wound that isn’t yours?
I AM MOM
I spent many years telling my daughter, “Forgive, love, be kind even when they aren’t. You only have to answer for YOUR actions before God.”
I AM MOM.
I used to tell her when she stands before our Lord and Savior that she won’t be able to say, “I did this or that, or said this because THEY…..”
I AM MOM.
So I always (always meaning many times, not always, I am human) would encourage her to forgive, be nice. Do the right thing. Don’t hurt people just because they hurt you. Just stay away from people who aren’t kind and pray for those who hurt you.
I AM MOM.
See I told her to leave it up to me to carry the hurt, the anger, the heartbreak and the unforgiveness. I told her in these exact words, “Let me be old and bitter and angry, I can handle it, you forgive, be loving and kind. I’ll carry your hurt for you, you let it go.” I AM MOM.
Even though ignoring didn’t help, evil would seek her out, she wasn’t the kind to lash out. She “let it go”. I however, can tell you the name of the girl who told her that her hair was ugly in kindergarten.
I AM MOM.
I can tell you ever ugly, mean, hateful word text to her, said to her, said about her, and put on social media about her.
I AM MOM.
I can tell you who “favorited” an ugly tweet about her. I can tell you every comment. I can tell you from kindergarten till about a week before she left for college any ugly thing said or text or posted that I knew about.
I AM MOM.
At one point it was so bad I had to tell her, I can’t handle any more. Don’t tell me because I don’t know how to help you. You let it go, I’ll hold on to it, and I did, I held the anger and encouraged her to forgive. She did, I didn’t.
I AM MOM.
I encouraged her to forget, to put it out of her mind. Focus on the good stuff. She did, I didn’t.
I AM MOM.
She knows I held on to it all so that she didn’t have to. I remember her asking me one day. “Mom, I met so n so and they were really nice to me. Are they okay? She knows I remember every bit. Every injustice done, every hateful deed done against her.
I AM MOM.
So at this point in life, she is free. She has a good life ahead of her and is on her way to adulthood. Making new friends and enjoying life. She will carry her hurts with her for a while, because she’s has some pretty deep wounds, but she will heal because I know God is faithful and will turn her trials to triumph. He always has and that’s what I told her.
I AM MOM.
The day I dropped her off to college, I didn’t shed a tear in front of her while everyone else bawled. As she stood staring at me, waiting to see what I would say I knew she needed me to be okay so she would know that SHE will be okay.
I AM MOM.
So I patted her on her back and hugged her without a tear and said, “If anyone can make a difference in this world kid, its you. I raised you to be amazing, now go be amazing.”
I AM MOM.
I find myself sitting here with all I held on to for her so that she didn’t have to. She’s free, but here I am, holding on to her hurt, anger and unforgiveness so that she would find love, peace and joy. I sat on my porch in tears and told my husband, I know I need to heal too, I just don’t know how…
I AM MOM.
I never felt more alone than I did in that moment. That’s when God started to show up and show off. I can feel the anger releasing. I can feel forgiveness creeping in. I can feel again. I can feel, peace, joy, and love. I may cry a lot lately, and easily, but its the healing. Why? Because…
HE IS GOD.